I told
David that I am a Domme.
During my week in North Carolina he suggested we exchange emails, an idea I embraced because it afforded me the opportunity to think about what I wanted to say before I said it. I know it may seem odd to many that I was hesitant, but I do live in a very conservative area and many people here are taken aback by anything that isn't mainstream.
"Remember when I told you that I am pretty used to get what I want? Well, it's a little bit more than what it might appear on the surface. I'm a Domme," I wrote. I quite enjoyed ending my email with that particular sentence. I only wish I could have been inside his mind to hear what he was thinking as he read it ;)
"That doesn't seem to fit," he replied. "I can't see you with a whip. You're too gentle. I can't envision you humiliating someone or acting like a bitch. You're too sweet."
"Your knowledge of dominance... is that first-hand or did you just google the word Domme?" I was smiling.
"Was it that obvious? I only know what I read on a few sites and what I've seen in movies or on TV. Since you're into this, there must be something to it other than pain or humiliation. I'm interested in hearing more if you want to explain. I suppose I could even tolerate a demonstration that shatters the stereotype. Strictly for educational purposes of course."
Cheeky fella.
Cheekiness aside, I was surprised at his open-mindedness considering I've known a lot of "experienced" dominants and submissives (especially online) who are unable to see that there could possibly be another way to do things other than their own.
"I'm not sure that I'm all that sweet or gentle, but you're right. Inflicting intense pain or serious humiliation on someone isn't my thing. Mild pain and teasing humiliation, well... I have to admit that I like to see a man squirm because he's turned on and a bit embarrassed, but only if he's enjoying it. It's no fun otherwise - the same with pain, really. If inside his brain a little bit of pain increases his pleasure, that works for me. It's not about the pain or the humiliation; it's about controlling his pleasure. In spite of what you may have read online, there are many ways to dominate."
Because we didn't have a lot of time to continue the conversation that week, I ended the discussion by adding, "To me, being a Domme means being able to very gently, very persuasively stroke his mind, stirring his wants and needs to such a frenzy that he is begging to give me exactly what I want and leaving him surprised to find that what I want is what he wants also."
Other than a simple "I want to hear more", I didn't hear from him for several days after that and I started wondering if I'd freaked him out. I would have been sad to see a budding friendship end, but I decided that I had to be honest and I had no interest in being anyone other than myself. What was done, was done. It was important to me that he be able to understand that it didn't matter if a woman was a leather-clad whip-wielding sadist or a soft, sensual seductress, either could be a Domme.
(To be continued..)
